


What's The Story With Energon?

by Exactlywhat



Series: TF/UT Crossover [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exactlywhat/pseuds/Exactlywhat
Summary: Another crackstory my sister and I co-authored. There's a party, and there's a prank, but mostly just weird world exploring conversations.





	

**Author's Note:**

> More crack my sister and I wrote. This crossover is freaking fun. :D

“Hey, Sides, how’d that batch of high grade come out th’ other day?”

 

Sideswipe glanced away from the conversation he was having with the skeleton on the table and up at the silver saboteur. “Oh, it turned out awesome! It’s super concentrated. One cube got _me_ pretty fragged up, and you know how much I can drink,” the red mech said with a grin.

 

“Sweet, mech. I was thinkin’ ‘bout havin’ a party soon. Ya know, get all the mechs introduced to our new friends.” The visored mech tilted his head in Sans’ direction in greeting.

 

Sans grinned up at the smaller mech, still dwarfed in size anyway. “heya. jazz, right?”

 

“Th’ one an’ only!” the mech said, striking a “hero” pose, with both fists on his hips. “You’re Sans, if I got my info right. You can teleport?”

 

“teleport?” Sans shook his head. “nah. i just take shortcuts. it would be nice if i could teleport, though. that would be even faster. more break time.” 

 

Jazz snickered. “Well, what I’ve heard, you can do just about the same thing. Which, I believe, could be very useful...”

 

Sideswipe eyed the mech. “You’re plotting.”

 

Jazz cackled.

 

Sans’ grin widened. “oooh, a plot! count me in!”

 

Jazz just grinned bigger, and Sideswipe joined in. “Man, Prime never saw this coming, did he?”

 

The silver saboteur laughed again. “Never!”

 

~o0o~

 

“So, you take this,” Jazz said, shoving a miniature cube into Sans’ hands, “and you dump it in that cube-” He gestured at a half-full cube sitting in the corner of one of the many tables set up around the room. “-over there.”

 

Sans nodded, and tugged at his Magic, slipping through space to stand opposite the intended cube. In a matter of seconds, he was back, having carried out his mission. “‘kay, so what now?”

 

Jazz just held out his hand, and a bunch of miniature, sealed cubes rolled into existence out of his subspace. “Well. Th’ only ones we don’t spike are Ratchet, ‘cause he knows how much ‘s safe for him to drink and we might need him if anythin’ goes really wrong; Prowl, ‘cause he don’t do well with high grade and it ends up not fun for anyone; and Skyfire, ‘cause he’s so huge it won’t do anythin’ and it’s a waste.”

 

“So that means that cube, that one, and that one,” Sideswipe said from where he was sitting in a chair at their table, feet resting _on_ the table.

 

Sans nodded, grinning. “right. be back in a sec.” For anyone who was watching the short skeleton, it would have seemed like the observer blinked, and he was gone. This was repeated four times as he made his way throughout the room, spiking the mechs’ (what, drink? energon?) before returning to where Sideswipe and Jazz sat, waiting to see the resulting chaos he had wrought. 

 

Sideswipe shook his head. “Man, I’ve seen it, I’ve been through your shortcuts, but it’s still pretty dang cool.”

 

Jazz nodded, smiling evilly as he watched mechs pick up their energon after dancing or talking, or simply turning around to pick it up after Sans had spiked it behind their backs. 

 

“well, it wasn’t fun to get, but i gotta agree with you there.” Sans flopped down, leaning back on his arms. “hey, what’s that stuff taste like, anyway?”

 

Jazz and Sideswipe exchanged a glance. “Well,” Sideswipe offered slowly, “It’s... basically energy in physical liquid form. It’s... what we’re drinking now is actually pretty bland. Army rations, plain stuff with the highest energy-to-volume content, without it being high grade. But back on Cybertron... man, we had energon crystal candies, gelled energon, rust sticks... all kinds of mineral additives that taste awesome...” the red mech trailed off, leaning back with optics half closed. 

 

“I used to live right across the street from this goodie shop. When I was a bitlet, the owner let me work there sometimes. Just like, dusting candies with rust, or other minerals... when I got a bit older, he let me do more complex stuff, like some of the actual cooking...

 

“But, yeah. The stuff we have now is about as bland as it gets. Wheeljack is working on making additives, and we do have the medical additives, but those taste like slag.”

 

Jazz snickered. “Don’ let Ratchet hear ya sayin’ that, mech. He takes _pride_ in those!”

 

“Yeah, as in, pride in making most mechs spit it out!”

 

Sans laughed a bit, then lapsed into a thoughtful silence. “... so… it’s just… raw energy? Where does it come from?”

 

Jazz answered this time; “Well, different places. Back on Cybertron, we had wells. It would just bubble up to the surface on its own, and that was the purest, sweetest energon ya could imagine. We can make it via solar converters, or geothermal converters, too, though, and that’s how we got it now.” He shrugged. “That stuff don’t taste as good, though. Which is why Prowl really don’t care that much if Sides’s got an illegal still runnin’. Mechs need somethin’ a bit stronger and more flavorful every now’n then.”

 

Sans blinked slowly. “huh. that’s… when i was carrying it, i coulda sworn it felt like raw magic.”

 

“Magic?” Sideswipe asked.

 

“yeah. y’know. magic. monsters live on it. we even make our own mostly-magic food.” Sans paused. “there’s a lot less physical matter in it, which, uh, is a pretty good thing when you consider that i don’t have a stomach.”

 

Sideswipe snickered. “Yeah, I suppose so. How do you guys put magic in food?”

 

Sans shrugged. “i, uh, don’t actually know. we just sort of subconsciously _do it_ whenever we’re cooking-- i say ‘we’ meaning the whole of monsterkind. i can’t cook.” he paused. “The closest i’ve ever come to understanding it is that the monster just kinda… _puts magic_ into whatever they’re cooking, and pushes out the physical stuff.”

 

“Huh. That’s interestin’,” Jazz said, looking contemplative as he watched the party raging on around them. Asgore and Prime were sitting at a far table, talking and gesturing wildly with their hands. Optimus’ cube - the first one they’d spiked - was empty. Elita-One and Toriel were sitting at the same table, delicately sipping from their drinks, Elita her (unspiked) energon, Toriel a mug of tea. Blaster had music playing loud, and in the middle of the room, a dance floor was covered in mechs and monsters, the mechs careful as always about where they stepped, the monsters always keeping a watchful eye upward.

 

“Be careful with energon, though,” Sideswipe said after a pause. “Spike tried some - you met him, right? - and he ended up in Ratchet’s care, getting his stomach pumped out and a bunch of neutralisers tested on him... He was sick for weeks. Ratchet said the energy burned him up, and if he hadn’t pumped it out, Spike would have burned from the inside out and died.”

 

Despite his grin, Sans made it pretty clear he was frowning. “oh. huh. that, uh, doesn’t sound good.” He paused a moment. “Well… what if… I could stab an attack in it or something, see if it reacts the same way as raw magic does. Because if that stuff _is_ raw magic…” He trailed off.

 

Sideswipe shrugged as he took a sip of his own pink cube, carefully spiked just enough to get him overcharged, but not to the point of obnoxiousness. “Do what you want, man. Just don’t get hurt and get me in trouble.” A bright blue optic flashed in a wink. 

 

Sans laughed. “alright, then. where can i get some of this stuff?”

 

Sideswipe just picked one of the empty mini-cubes out of his subpsace and half-filled it with energon from his own cube. With a grin, he set it down in front of the skeleton. “There you go.”

 

Taking the cube, Sans summoned a bone-shaped attack and plunged the end into the energon. He watched as it fizzled and spat a little, like carbonated soda when the bottle seal’s just been broken. 

 

“yup. that’s about what i’d expect. guess i’ll give it a go, then.” With that, he knocked back the cube and drained it. 

 

For a second, his face was perfectly blank. Then he dropped the cube, arms wrapping around his ribs as he coughed and hacked, dropping to his knees.

 

“Sans?” Sideswipe exclaimed, jerking his feet off the table and sitting up straight, optics bright with worry. “Sans, please tell me you’re okay!”

 

Jazz had likewise straightened, staring at the skeleton with a worried expression. “Please tell me he’s not actually that stupid,” he muttered as he glanced around for Ratchet. 

 

After a few more seconds, though, Sans calmed down, straightening up but still sitting on his knees. “holy--... _annoying dog,_ that stuff is _strong_. i haven't had a kick like that in… _years._ ”

 

Sideswipe leaned back in his seat, sighing heavily. “You had me worried there.”

 

Sans gave him a sidelong look. “well, i definitely wasn't kidding. this is… it’s definitely magic.” He looked again at the empty cube.

 

“Interestin’,” Jazz said again, also slumping back into a more comfortable position. “So, yer kind and our kind can live off th’ same stuff. How’d it taste t’ you?”

 

Sans hesitated a moment, thinking over his answer. “... fizzy. or sparkly, if you can use that to describe a taste. very… _strong_ i guess. good, though.”

 

“Well, fizzy is a good way to describe it,” the red mech said, swirling his remaining energon in the cube. “And that was spiked, so it was stronger than our regular rations. I wonder how’d you guys like energon crystals?”

 

Sans cocked his head to the side slightly. “i feel like you might be trying to subtly hint at something.”

 

With a grin, Sideswipe reached into his subspace and pulled out a small box. “Well, I did grow up learning how to make these. And Wheeljack finally came up with a substitute for a few things we don’t have, and _I_ think they turned out pretty good... I was gonna pass them around tonight, and now is as good as ever!” he said with a flourish of the box, and pulled the lid off. Inside was a pile of softly glowing bluish crystals. 

 

Jazz leaned forward and picked one out. “Wow, Sides. These look really good.”

 

The red mech just grinned. “I tried hard. I really did,” he said, spreading his free hand over his chestplates. “Here, Sans, you wanna try?”

 

Sans reached into the box, pulling out one of the smaller crystals. “... feels like magic.” He said slowly. “y’know, there used to be crystals growing like this back in the underground. ‘xcept they were more purple than blue.” Then he shoved the crystal at his mouth, somehow getting it into his mouth without actually _opening_ his mouth. After a moment, he grinned up at Sideswipe. “wow. that’s _good_.”

 

Sideswipe gave a little mock bow from where he was sitting. “Glad to hear it, glad to hear it. And they come in all colors, too,” he said. “Energon, too. Pink is just what we’re getting out of our solar converters. Each color has a slightly different taste. Avoid green, though, especially if it’s kinda yellow. That’s medical grade, and it’s got a lot of energy, but...”

 

“Tastes like slag!” Jazz said as he picked another crystal from the box. 

 

Sideswipe scowled. “Leave some of those for other people to try!” he said indignantly. Jazz just smirked, but didn’t reach for another. 

 

“but you said you make these? i thought they only grew naturally.”

 

“Well, sometimes they do,” Sideswipe said, “But we can also make pretty good replicas of them that don’t taste half-bad. You can definitely tell whether they’ve been made or grown, if you’ve got experience eating them, but they’re still pretty good.”

 

As he finished talking, there was a loud crash. Both mechs and the skeleton looked up at the sudden noise. Optimus Prime was sitting, dazed, on the ground, his chair knocked over beside him, Asgore looking on in worry. Elita-One, next to him, was covering her mouth as she giggled.

 

“Well,” Jazz said, “Looks like our little present finally did somethin’!”

 

Sans snickered. “so, what, it’s like getting drunk? heh. probably shouldn’t tell pap ‘bout that bit.”

 

“Oh, it’s like getting drunk. Overcharged, we call it, because that’s what it is. There’s an excess of energy in our frames, which causes memory lapses, servo malfunctions, other little glitches... Nothing too harmful, our systems wouldn’t process that much, but enough to get a good time happening!” 

Sans snickered. “oh man. _definitely_ shouldn’t tell pap ‘bout this.” Sans grinned up at Sideswipe, holding out his empty cube. “refill, please?”


End file.
